Be it the aspiring professional craftsman next door who decided it would be most efficient to power saw by your bedroom window at 4 a.m. or the pounding steps of big foot living above you, the path to handling these disturbances is not a one size fits all situation. According to recent studies, noise is the most common neighborly dispute, with pets, front yard eyesores, and property boundaries following close behind. With these many offenses, it is inevitable that a neighbor, possibly even you, will cause one of these grievances. However, whether the annoyance is yours or your neighbor’s, the tools for ending your dispute are right in front of you. Here are several ways to settle these while maintaining civility.
Handling a disagreement with a neighbor is similar to dealing with any relational issue. There is a cause and effect to think of when coming together to fix this. In fact, the effect of each interaction you have on a daily basis may be of more consequence than you have considered. In many conversations there is a beginning motion. This is where an action occurs because of one person’s reaction to the other person’s current or genuinely normal living style. For example, let’s say you are relaxing on your couch with the family when suddenly you are having every beat of “Livin’ la Vida Loca” shake your house. The music makes it pretty clear your neighbors are living the crazy life. Because of this disruption, the next day you run over to their house with a hot head and exactly what you want to say on the tip of your tongue. Let’s say you finish with everything you have to tell them and feel as though you did a fine job explaining it. That is until they explain that their son threw a party while they were out, they have been cleaning up all day, and they have had to lecture their son all morning. How would that have them feeling? Attacked? Defensive? Either way, your speech to them can create more tension and lead to extended issues. The best way to approach disputes like this one is by using the forthcoming actions and following them step by step.
Start with You
Quickly glance at the reason for the emotion behind your reaction. By looking beyond your initial reaction, you are able to figure out that on the surface you feel angry because of your neighbors’ extreme noise, yet the anger is actually because you believe they do not care about you or are not being considerate of you. This self analysis is helpful because it removes that certain part of emotion that creates miscommunication. So, instead of telling your neighbors that you are upset because of their loud music, explain that because of the volume of their music you feel disrespected. In doing this, you state the issue at hand and a deeper reason behind your anger so that they may better understand your side of things. This keeps you in a clearer headspace, and there is a higher likelihood that things will be resolved in a timely manner.
A Priority or a Petty Problem
Before coming to a point of confrontation, it’s important for you to determine whether the issue is even worth the effort to bring up. A dispute worth getting to the bottom of would be one that has been ongoing or violates a clear cut rule by the HOA’s standards. If it is a serious violation, such as knocking your mailbox over with their car, it is important to take pictures as proof and log the frequency of these incidences for reference. This can better illustrate your point when it comes to speaking with your neighbors a week or so after the behavior continues. Another form of evidence is browsing through the guidelines for your neighborhood or apartment complex to discover whether their behavior is an actual violation. This is the most powerful documentation to have on your side because it is irrefutable.
Use Your Words
Before taking any hasty legal action or posting passive aggressive comments in the neighborhood group chat, do the most effective thing by talking with your neighbors. This may seem like the most daunting move, yet it increases the likeliness of a smooth conversation and a readily resolved issue. Either leave a note or send a message requesting a moment of their time to discuss something. When in conversation with them, avoid using words that could be considered accusatory so you can maintain an even keel conversation. By using the self introspective work you did earlier, combining that with your evidential proof, and using the correct wording, you are sure to get your point across as clear as possible.
Last Resort, Legal Action
Though everyone hopes it will never come to this, there is the possibility that steps above simply will not cut it. When that’s the case, writing reports and hiring a mediator are the only options left. Still, without creating a scene with the police, you can solve the issue quickly and absolutely. Writing up a report either through your landlord, home owners association, or local law enforcement can keep things quiet and civil while getting your point across. Also, hiring a mediator can take things further without going to the extremes of court settled disputes. This mediator can be either paid or unpaid depending on the severity of the situation, but the ultimate goal of this is to create an unbiased environment.
Each of these actions is necessary if you desire a smooth and swift resolution to the disputes between you and your neighbor. These tips can be applied universally to any disagreement. So, next time your emotions want to run the show, take a moment to review these steps for a positive resolution. 
Hailey Marston
Home & Yard Magazine
